Seeking Your Advice

Marisa, a dear blog-friend of mine is seeking advice and guidance from my visitors.

In her words:

 

I received a call from the vice principal of my daughters school, she is in year one and only 6.5 years old.

Apparently she has a little friend who would not go into the class this morning as she was most upset because she did not see the unicorn that my daughter has been telling her about. My daughter is obsessed with unicorns, ponies, horses, Pegasus and all creature for that matter. My daughter was punished and kept in at recess and at lunch time so the other girl could go out and play whilst my daughter was spoken to about unicorns not being real and to stop telling stories about things that are not true.

 

I spoke to my daughter and reassured her that she is not in trouble at all for tellings stories and then I told her that unicorns are not real. Well, that broke her heart and she just cried and cried. She truly believes in unicorns and their magical powers, she loves me reading her story books and her favourite is The Secret Unicorn (hence the imagination - which she has had since she could speak).

 

Do I now tell here that Santa and the Easter Bunny don't exist as well? At what age is appropriate. Please help as I have a very sad little girl, whose dreams have been shattered.

Comments

[Susan Helene Gottfried]

Seriously? I'd look for a new school, one where imagination isn't quashed.

Without imagination, after all, there would be no Internet, no cell phone. Hell, no electricity. We need the visionaries of the world and if they are seeing unicorns at age six, who knows what they'll see at age thirty six -- and what sort of knowledge they'll have to make their visions real and the world a better place.

New school, pronto.

[Mr. L]

Seems to me that the school over-reacted just a bit...

[kenju]

I was sent to the principal's office in first grade (I was six) for telling a "lie" about my dress. I said my mother had sewn it and the teacher didn't believe me. After the principal called my mom, she set them straight because she had sewn that dress, as she did most of my clothing. They handled that poorly, as did your school.

Susan (first comment) is correct. Look for a new school.

[Laura GF]

I had to click through to comment -- what a horrible way this school handled this situation!

[Laura GF]

But to answer the question, we never started off telling the children that Santa Claus or the Easter Bunny were real. We're big advocates of age appropriate truth and couldn't handle the idea of our children knowing we had tried to deceive them. I can see why other parents like to preserve the magic or whatever, but this kind of thing does seem like a natural consequence, right? I don't like the way the school handled it but at the same time, it's not up to the rest of the world to uphold a falsehood either.

[Sally Bramald]

Move your daughter to a school where this doesn't happen. My own DD was told at five Santa didn't exist. There was enough uproar to get the teacher in trouble.
About 8 they stop wanting to believe but will happily play along with fantasy even if they know otherwise.

[Bev]

Unicorns aren't real? :)

I agree that the school overreacted. As to Santa and the Easter Bunny, I think there is a time and a place...and the child will let you know when she's ready. I figured out the Easter Bunny myself one Easter morning and my father said "Well, now that you know the Easter Bunny and Santa Claus aren't real..." I was crushed. Santa not real too? I wasn't ready to hear that.

[Mr. Althouse]

I agree that the school, or rather members of its staff handled the situation poorly - at best. If this is a public school, then I would not change schools - it is after all, your school. I would, however, change THAT school. There is apparent incompetence and someone should be held accountable. Who better to hold that hammer than you - the taxpayer.

[HektikLyfe]

Good luck with religion. Once they realize all these fun fantasies aren't real they will question why they should believe in the boring bloody barefoot toga wearing one.

This is after the fact but if I were a parent I would have prepared a child as much as I could by emphasizing the significance and importance of imagination and what those characters represent. Abstract good will and such.

Just an opinion.

[Shannon H.]

I also feel that the school over reacted but I am not sure you will find another school for your daughter that will let her imagination flow. It seems as if schools tend to restrict that kind of thinking.

[Leigh in Atlanta]

That is an awful way for a school to handle something like that. In the first place no one should have their imagination squashed in a place of learning because that is the one place where it is most crucial. Second of all is that it was not the place of the school to tell your child that unicorns aren't real, it is one of those things that needs to be left to the home life.

I, personally, would not tell my child that Santa and the Easter Bunny are not real. They will eventually figure it out for themselves and continue to go along with it for the sake of the "Holiday Spirit". I'm nearly 22 and still pretend because I have a 10 and 12 year old living in my house. I think at this point neither of them believe anymore but ... they go along with it just the same as I do.

Let it be. With her dreams about unicorns shattered she may not have as much time left to believe as most children do. No reason to squelch it even earlier.

[rosemary]

I agree that the school handled it roughly. Seems to me the teacher is missing that sensitivity chip or else she was born at 40. I wouldn't dump all of her fantasies at once. I started out by telling my kids that Santa couldn't make it to our house because of some reason or other and so I bought them the gifts on their list.

[Jennie]

“Imagination is more important than knowledge. For knowledge is limited to all we now know and understand, while imagination embraces the entire world, and all there ever will be to know and understand.” Albert Einstein

I'd demand to see what page in the school's disciplinary rulebook says telling someone you see a unicorn results in punishment.

[Jennie]

Darnit, I always hit post too soon...On the other hand, is it really "imagination" when we actually tell our kids Santa, E. Bunny and unicorns are true? I dunno. I've never made a big deal about those figures, but if my kids want to imagine on their own, that's fine.

[Thumper]

Why are we so quick to kill the whimsy in our children? Isn't that time of their life *for* indulging in fantasy and play worlds?

It's not too late to salvage a little of her broken heart. There's no reason she can't be told that just because unicorns don't exist that doesn't mean they're not real--they are to her, and she needs permission to keep her imagination active and growing. It's ok to wish and hope to see one...just not ok to upset someone else with her wishes. Kids get that.

And no, don't destroy Santa and the Easter Bunny for her. It would break her heart even more now, and it's something she'll come to on her own...and when she asks, she doesn't need to be told straight out they don't exist, just told "Isn't believing in them fun?"

Because it is...and there's nothing wrong with a child having that slice of childhood to remember. The fun part.

[Begered]

Isn't that the joy of being a kid? I can not believe the school did that to her. She is still very young and is wonderful that she has this great imagination. Let her be a kid as long as you can. Being grown up and knowing grown up things like unicorns, santa and such don't exist sucks!

[Mamacita]

A falsehood is one thing, but a child's imagination and love of fantasy are quite another. One can feed this love without telling a lie, because, as Ma Ingalls told Laura and Mary, Santa Claus is whenever people stop thinking about themselves and start thinking about others. I love such things as the Easter Bunny and Tooth Fairy and Santa. I helped my children look for fairies at the bottom of the garden. Sometimes, we saw them! We saw them riding on the fireflies, too. And yes, sometimes the stars really do wink at us! They're all there, for those who have the eyes to see and the heart to believe. Lies? Not at all. Bringing up a child to believe that the world is a logical, dry, and passionless place is the lie.

Oh, and this school's administrators are morons. People who have been allowed to nurture their imaginations are the hope of the universe. Otherwise, people grow up to be, well, school administrators who punish children for having imaginations. And parents who don't allow it, either.

[Marisa]

Dear Everybody,
Thank you all very much for such wonderful input. It has put my mind at ease and even more has put my daughters mind at peace for truely believing.

Have made a formal complaint about the Vice Principal on her approach and will be having a meeting next week.!!!!!!!

THANK YOU EVERYONE