Another Question From A Blogfriend

This question was e-mailed to me.

Marie wants to know....

If you were good platonic friends with someone of the opposite sex and it made your new boyfriend or husband jealous, would you end the  friendship?  Also, would  you trust your partner to have a platonic friendship with someone of the opposite sex?

Comments

[James]

My significant other would be my best friend, so I wouldn't - couldn't, really - have a friendship with a member of the opposite sex without the s/o also being truly involved and approving and encouraging in the friendship. The platonic friend wouldn't be my friend as much as she would be 'our' friend.

However, if any problem or misperception arose, the friendship outside of the significant other would be quickly neglected... but not necessarily severed.

I mean really, having an "i can't be your friend anymore" talk is almost like having a "will you be my friend?" party. Who needs formality to be or quit being friendly?

[Keith]

Wow. the story of my marriage & divorce. True friendships don't end and yes I would trust partner.

[Katya]

um...ya. i don't think my gf would have a problem with me being friends with a guy and i wouldn't have a problem with her either.

[kenju]

Mr. kenju does have women friends; chiefly 2-3 from his church. They were all anxious to meet me, and after they came here, they don't bother him anymore.....LOL. (They didn't bother me either). I know he would be jealous if I had man friends other than the ones from high school and college, whom I never see - just email back and forth.

[Pearl]

end a friendship over someone else's insecurity? as in shoot self and significant other in foot with one shot? no good can come of that.

And I would trust significant other to have non-platonic friends as well.

[barbie2be]

no, i wouldn't end the friendship. i would just try to get together with said friend AND my significant other.

[Sara]

I would not end the friendship - and yes, I would trust my partner.

[Jennie]

If I had a friendship or any relationship that made my husband uncomfortable I would not nurture it. He's more important than any friendship, being my other half and all. I don't think I'd be comfortable with him going out and doing stuff with a female friend, mostly because he's never done things with female friends so why start now? humph!

[Thumper]

If my friendship with anyone made the Spouse Thingy jealous, I would have to get to the bottom of that--why?--before I did anything. If he sees something that's detrimental to our marriage, well, he comes first. But if his head is up his a$$, then he'll have to work that out for himself.

I have no problem with him having female friends...I better not because 90% of his co-workers are female. One of my life long, closest friends is male; it doesn't seem to bother him any. But then I'm also not excluding the Spouse Thingy from anything, so there's really nothing to be upset over.

[rosemary]

Hum....Steve is pretty secure so I don't see that happening...he works all of the time with women and they are his friends....I guess if he wants someone else he had better have a BIG check ready for me.

[Bev]

Been there, done that. Did not end the friendship. And yes I would trust my husband.

[Sol]

I trust my husband and he trusts me. Not to mention I'd just as soon take my husband with me anyway.. with a platonic friend or a friend of the same sex.

[Mamacita]

I would never be even remotely interested in someone who required me to drop any kind of friendship. How selfish! How childish! And talk about a red flag. . . .

How sick and sad, that there are people who would dump a friend because someone said he/she couldn't handle it. Run away! Run away! Don't be that person!

[Shephard]

Of course my husband is worth more than any friendship. That said... he'd never ever feel that way. It's like asking me how I'd feel if Santa Claus sat on children for a living.
Not part of my reality. :)

~S

[Carlthegirl]

Honestly, there are the mutual friends who we can both hang out with and then there are friends who I see on my own. Since I am the more social of the two of us, it's unlikely for me to get jealous. It has happened where he has seemed a little jealous but he knows that he can trust me. That's all it really comes down to - can you trust your significant other? If not, then what are you doing with them in the first place? And I like what James said, who wants to have to end a friendship? What an awkward conversation that would be! "I can't be your friend anymore..." although there are a few people I wouldn't mind saying that to...but instead I just don't make time for them. Which way is worse?