A blogfriend of mine, who has chosen to remain annonymous, asked me to ask for your advice.....
She writes: Yesterday afternoon my husband and I met an old friend of ours in a local bar to catch up over a few drinks. We had not seen him in a few months and we value his friendship and enjoy his company.
When we turned up he introduced us to a female friend of his -- let's call her 'L' -- who is visiting him from abroad. She is half-way through an eight-week stay, but is travelling around a lot so only staying with him in between her scheduled trips.
We spent an enjoyable few hours chatting over a few drinks. I bought the last round and once we'd consumed those we all adjourned to a nearby restaurant for a meal.....
The meal was delicious and the conversation entertaining. When the bill came I offered to split it with my husband as a way of treating our friend and L. He agreed and both of us went to the counter to pay it. However, when I opened my wallet all my cash was gone. There should have been £60 worth of notes inside -- I know this because I had taken out £50 (from an ATM machine en route to the bar) to compliment the £20 I was already carrying. The round of drinks I had bought earlier in the evening had cost just under £10, so I know I hadn't blown it on wine or beer.
I was dumbfounded. It was obvious I'd been robbed, but by whom? And why hadn't they taken my credit cards? Hell, why hadn't they taken the whole damn wallet?
My husband was puzzled too. I am notorious for holding onto my handbag like an old lady, because I'm paranoid about having my belongings stolen.
We told our friends that some money had gone missing, but not to worry about it. Even though I wasn't really in the mood for it (I was too distracted trying to figure out what had happened to my money), we then went to a jazz bar for a nightcap before calling it a night.
When we got home my husband was still trying to work out how my money had gone missing. We went through all kinds of scenarios, but nothing made sense.
I did not drop the money. I clearly recall it being in my wallet when I bought the final round of drinks.
I was not pickpocketed when we walked from the bar to the restaurant because my handbag was slung crossways over my body and my wallet was buried at the bottom underneath my mobile phone.
It was not taken at the restaurant because my handbag went on the floor with my jacket -- and I had my feet on top of them both.
The only time the money could have gone was when we were sitting at the first bar drinking our last drink. My bag was slung over the back of my chair but no one was sitting behind us -- and the bar was so quiet no one even walked past us.
The only conclusion we could both come to -- and we did this separately, I might add -- is that the money had been taken by L when I wasn't looking. I was sitting next to her (my husband and our friend were sitting opposite us) and my handbag was dangling within easy reach of her right hand. As a smoker, L was constantly getting up and down to have a cigarette and I'm wondering whether she might have taken the money when I assumed she was simply fishing around for her cancer sticks.
Obviously, we have no proof and I felt incredibly bad even coming to this conclusion, but it seemed the only logical one. My husband phoned our friend to let him know our concerns, although he made it quite clear he wasn't making any direct accusations. As you would imagine our friend was very offended and said he couldn't believe that we would think such a thing about L.
The thing is we don't know this woman at all -- except that she is our friend's old girl friend and that she tracked him down on Facebook after years of non-communication. We're not sure if they are romantically involved again or whether it's simply a platonic friendship.
Personally, I couldn't care less about the money. Sure, £60 is a lot but it could have been much worse: my entire wallet could have gone along with my handbag and its contents (phone and keys and rail card etc). But what does bug me is the betrayal, especially if it was L. We were being friendly, buying her drinks and a nice meal. And if she's prepared to take money from people like us, is she likely to steal things from our friend, too?
I now feel that relations between us and our friend will be rather strained from now on, which makes me sad because we have known him for a long time. Were we right to suspect her? And were we right to say something to him about it? There's nothing I can do to get the money back, but I'd like to think there's something we can do to salvage the friendship. Any advice or pearls of wisdom gratefully received!
How would you handled this situation, and more importantly what advice or "pearls of wisdom" do you have to offer?
Even if you were right to suspect the friend, I would not have said anything. (Well, I would have, but it's not something I SHOULD do.) There's no proof, and it's not likely your friend was going to be anything other than offended. And even if he confronted the friend, if she's a lying, stealing thief, she wouldn't give up her lodging and her friendship with him just to come clean and give you your money back.
Besides, even if the bar was as empty as you say, stuff happens. I know--I lose stuff, including money, all the dang time. It could have fallen out of your wallet. Remember, even if you weren't drunk, you were drinking and having a good time. . . easy enough to miss someone else walking by and taking the loot, even if the bar was mostly empty.
It's obviously a frustrating thing to have to go through; I'm sorry your money is gone. Hopefully, your friend will realize you were just trying to get to the bottom of what happened and you'll be able to mend fences.
Posted by: carli | July 22, 2007 at 09:10 PM
i think you may have thought it was her, but really you don't have any proof and I wouldn't have said anything to your friend. hopefully, you guys will make up.
Posted by: mrc1471 | July 22, 2007 at 10:12 PM
I can actually readily relate to your friend's predicament, as just quite recently feel as though my heart was stolen by a rather charming woman.
Posted by: Jack | July 22, 2007 at 10:58 PM
It would probably have been wiser not to say anything to the friend, for it is not his fault, but from now on, I would be very cautious near anyone he brought 'round, for it is obvious that his perceptions are a bit off.
Posted by: Mamacita | July 22, 2007 at 11:54 PM
I agree with Mamacita. I would not have said anything to the friend, since you cannot prove she did it.
Posted by: kenju | July 23, 2007 at 12:06 AM
Hhmmmm... I wouldn't have said anything to the friend either - I would just be really (really) cautious of her.
Posted by: Melody | July 23, 2007 at 01:48 AM
Okee-Dokee! Dear Mrs, Annonymous, You and your husband f*cked up by making the call. There is nothing now to do but phone and say sorry to the friend for making the call and for jumping to accuse without proof.
Sure, it does look like she did it, but unless you seen her "in the act" or find the money at the bottom of her purse with the serial numbers that match the ones you took from the bank machine. (you do write down all serial numbers dontca?) There ain't nothing you can do but beg forgiveness.
Just say the combination of booze and jazz sent your over the edge into dumb-friend-land. Cos' it just might send anyone there. Be honest you screwed up and let a bit of time heal the wound.
Next time, don't accuse just watch her like a hawk. There my work is done.
Posted by: Roxette | July 23, 2007 at 10:42 AM
Holy Mother of Flirting, I almost missed it!!!
Jacky, Jacky, Jacky!!
Did you read the bloody title, it says SEEKING ADVICE,, it doesn't say SEEKING SMOOTH COME-ONS FROM JACK!
You need a leash boy!
Posted by: Roxette | July 23, 2007 at 10:52 AM
I most likely wouldn't have said anything either, without some sort of concrete proof--few things come between friends like love and money.
Posted by: aka_monty | July 23, 2007 at 12:56 PM
I agree with roxette and carli. Should not have said anything and just vowed to each other never to socalize with her again.
Posted by: rosemary | July 23, 2007 at 01:00 PM
Oops. I think you have some apologising to do if you value that friendship.
Posted by: Mike Davis | July 23, 2007 at 01:01 PM
Roxette,
It is odd to hear anyone call me Jacky, as that was what my Mom called me throughout her life. Really no one else has done that.
And thank-you for considering my statements smooth. I sort of worried that they were maybe a little bit overt.
As for your concern about the delightful young woman having been "taken", I can only say that her correspondence to me seems to express anything but that.
And finally, as for me seeming to be the type you lust...well thank you. Clearly that is the best thing anyone has said to me today. Let's just hope our mutual friend might feel the same.
Posted by: Jack | July 23, 2007 at 01:13 PM
And there it is.
Posted by: Jennie | July 23, 2007 at 01:54 PM
Excuse me. I actually read these comments.
Please, do not make me have to edit and/or delete overt or suggestive remarks. I will do it. However, I would prefer not being put in the position that I must.
Posted by: Michele | July 23, 2007 at 02:04 PM
There's no proof.
"few HOURS chatting over a few drinks"???
Let's face it, you were snockered.
You misplaced the money or spent more than you realized. Drinks out are expensive.
Posted by: annie | July 23, 2007 at 04:59 PM