The Daily Question From A Blogfriend

This question was asked in the Answer and Ask Comment ame

Sandy wants to know......

You're sendin off a present to the woman (read: mother in law in nursin home)that needs nothin and wants nothin. What do you send?

Comments

[Carmi]

A donation in her name to a worthy charity, preferably one that would be meaningful to her.

[Phil]

A card. With a thoughtfull, hand-written message (not just a "quick note"). Many times, it really is the thought that counts.

Or, if it's feasible (sp?), pay her a visit . . . take her out for a meal, or at least spend time with her.

[kenju]

If you cannot make a personal visit, send a gift card for a manicure and pedicure. Most elderly people cannot cut their own toenails and their feet suffer from neglect. She might love the pampering; I know I would.

[Catherine]

That last one is a great idea. I had this problem with my grandmother who lived to not quite 104. She couldn't see, but she did like framed photos of the greatgrandchildren to show off to the visitors. Small food treats like boxes of nice biscuits, special jars of jam in miniature sizes (even though they are fed, they like extras). You could send flowers or a pot plant. Visit or take her for a drive if possible. Toiletries. Even if they are never used, she will appreciate that you remembered her.

[Mamacita]

Make arrangements to have her hair done every week or so. Cell phone. DVD's or VHS tapes. Quarters for a pay phone.

It's actually best not to give gifts that are easily stolen; nursing homes are notorious for that. But a cell phone or movie can make a big difference to someone, if they are 'at' themselves enough to keep track of them.

My grandmother liked to have her hair combed. Just go in once in a while and do that.

Books. Music. Perfume - the smells are pretty bad in there most of the time.

[Jennie]

I wrote my grandfather a letter for his 90th birthday that told him what he's meant to me my entire life. He LOVED that! He asked me to get it framed for him so he could hang it on his wall and show everyone who came to visit him how wonderful he is. ;)

[Pickalish]

Flowers, expensive candy, or a good book.

[Begered]

You send her yourself and other loved ones for a VISIT!

[jen]

How bout a plant? Something that can cheer her up and spread life and something colourful that she can take care of.

[xtessa]

photo album/scrabpook filled with her grandchildren's photos.

[Cheryl]

Something that says 'You are still...':

Feminine
intelligent
humorous

That could include jewellery, flowers, pink socks, a good book, a personal radio, a (filled) photo album, even a little risque humour - anything that honours who she was (and who she still is, inside).

I guess at that age all you want is to be noticed and validated?

[g8s]

Ditto what Cheryl just said, plus a hand-written letter (not a note, a letter)...

[Courtney]

Yourself.
Or, if distance is an issue, the charitable donation is a nice idea as well.
Flowers and a card, because everyone needs their day brightened sometimes.

[Terri]

My aunt is in a nursing home and I'll be sending a nice arrangement of flowers. It brightens up her day and also her room.

[trinity13]

I'd maybe send her some flowers, a book, or a game or two.

[dak-ind]

i got tears in my eyes reading all these wonderful suggestions. my grandmother was in a nursing home in a different state from us, so when holidays birthdays and etc came around we took extra care with the cards adn pictures we sent. these days another interesting choice might be a video taped letter. edit together bits of home movies from days gone by add some nice music. my uncle did that for my grandpa and it was his most cherished possesion.

[Pearl]

An IOU for phone calls or visits? A collections of album, audio or video tape of folks that can't get out to see her?

[Thumper]

Books (large print if possible, presuming age is why she's in a nursing home.) Nice sweater or sweatshirt. Cookies. Music. Books. Books. Books. Um, yeah, I like giving books.

[annie]

My great aunt was in a nursing home, quite incapacitated, and her nails always looked hideous. My Mom would bring in a lady to give her a manicure and a pedicure.
She seemed to relax and enjoy it.

[Keb]

I would give the gift of a visit bringing all the people she would love to see. If she isn't of the visiting type, perhaps a photo collage of the people in her life with notes from each telling her how much she means to them or sharing a personal memory.

[Ciera]

A box full of nothing

LOL!!!

[miteymite]

1. A list of the reasons you love her, ranging from the insignificant ("because you always said Bless You when I sneezed") to the sublime ("because you cooked meals and cleaned my house after I had surgery")
2. A card tree, with as many signed cards as you can get from everyone who's ever known her.
People like to know that the things they did mattered.

[panthergirl]

Charitable donation in her name to a woman's organization!

[better safe than sorry]

books or magazines, you can never have enough of either.

[Claude]

I think the manicure/pedicure or hair styling thing are great ideas. My GF is working on getting her grandmother into an assisted living facility, and the fact that there was a hair salon on the first floor wound up being one of the big selling points. And yes, they do issue gift certificates. (-:

[sandy]

What wonderful ideas! I'll explain my question - my mother-in-law is about a 6 hour drive away from us. There is little she needs and little she makes use of. Giving gifts meant to honor her and our memories with her often frustrates her - she's in the "early part of late-stage" altizmers. We've lived so far from her or so long and get to see her only a few times a year. My husband she will remember after a few reminders. She thinks I'm the waitress...no matter where we are. Our kids - she has no concept of her relation to them.

We sent flowers. We always end sending flowers and then a note of some sort seperately. Sometimes we send along photos or artwork from the kids. I think we'll try the beauty shop in the center next!

[MorahMommy]

If I could get there, myself, If not, I would put together a multi-photo picture frame of the family and send a note along with it. I love the pampering idea, manicure, pedicurem etc. That's what we did for my Mom at Chanukah.

[monique]

a box of cookies (think Harry and David or such) that she can enjoy and share. i think the idea of a beauty shop visit is great, too.

[daughter in law]

A photo calendar (the ones that you can customize and start on any month)or a framed photo or a book

[david]

chocolates

[Peaches]

Yes, definitely a nice personal note and card if you can't make a visit. Although a card and note hand delivered is better. And maybe a plant for her room to brighten it up a bit.

Also, it's so dry in those places. I think her favorite lotion might be a nice addition.

[yellojkt]

My grandmother loves mice, so I send a cute but very small mouse trinket. A gift doesn't have to be useful to be thoughtful.