Playing Favourites

Durin the Answer and Ask Comment ame, Luka (sorry, no blo link to offer) asked:

Do you have a favorite child from amonst your own children?

This made me wonder.....

Do all parents have a favourite child? Is this favouritism obvious? Is it possible not to have a favourite? Were you the favourite of your parents? Finally, and most importantly, would anyone ever admit to playin favourites?

Comments

[Wisconsin Karen]

What, are you serious?! This is the MOST loaded question since women asked: Does this make me look fat? I'm here to say do not answer this question except under threat of torture by Jack Bauer on "24."

[Connie]

I am willing to stand up and say YES, I do have a favourite child. She is the sweetest, kindest, and most beautiful daughter anyone could hope for.

She is my only child, so I am not being too brave in my admission.

[Rene]

They go through periods. I admit, there are days when I like one over the other, but it evens out in the end. I have three and they seem to rotate being intolerable. Generally, the one that's asleep is my favorite. But on the whole, no, I don't have a favorite.

[Ms. Mac]

Personally, I don't have a favourite out of my three. However, I feel a different love for each of them because they are all different people. When asked if I have a secret favourite I always answer that P is my fave because he..... but then J is my fave because he..... and of course, E does.... so he's my favourite as well. They all show their best parts at different times so naturally I tend to feel more affection for one or the other at different times. And of course, that is subject to change at a second's notice!

[Mamacita]

I love my children intensely and unequally equally. However, there are times when I LIKE one a little more.

[Goldie]

No, I absolutely do not have a favorite child. Are you kidding? It is so hard to choose - I'm in the same situation as Ms. Mac because they are such different people. Because my youngest is more social and likes to spend more time with me and enjoys a lot of the same activities that I do, some people suspect that he is my favorite child, but I really would be hard pressed to choose one over the other.
My parents on the other hand, picked a favorite grandchild the instant they met my two kids. Watching them play favorites over the years was very impressive. I used to hate being an only child, now I give thanks every day. Imagine if I had a brother or a sister, and my parents picked a favorite, and with my luck, I just know it wouldn't have been me?

[Jennie]

My 3 boys are so different and are 5 years apart, a teenager, a preschooler and a young boy. Each one is my favorite for some reason or another, but they're all sweet and beautiful and talented and - the gate just slammed, here comes the moody teenager.

[kenju]

My answer would be similar to Ms. Mac and Mamacita. Of my three children, I love them equally, but sometimes I like one or 2 more than the others.

I am an only child, and of course, I was my parent's favorite. I was also my grandmother's favorite, to the consternation of my cousins and their parents.

I doubt if many parents would admit to favoritism. It is easy to love a child who returns your love much more than others, or who shows much more concern and consideration for you than another. It would be hard not to play favorites in that respect - but it isn't a good idea to show it!

[Thumper]

I only have one, so yep, I have a favorite... ;)

And sadly, some people do admit to having a favorite. And people, NEVER let this be known to one of your kids. I mean, I *knew* my one sister was the favorite, but it was definitely not something I needed to have confirmed by my mother.

[kristien]

I have three girls. My oldest, Kara is my bestest little friend. She's was born the day before I turned 21 (both of us are Aries) and I'm always buying her little things and saying, 'oh Kara would love that.' She 'gets' me. She's also the one I am the hardest on.

My middle child is my angel. She's my cuddle bug and if you asked anyone that knows me, the would say, "Alyx is my favorite". And she might be..

Shea, my baby...she's my baby and by default isn't the baby your favorite?

[Ash]

I don't have a favorite among my three...but due to their various personalities and how that personality meshes with mine, I do seem 'closer' to one of them. But, my parents ignored me and gave me sister all the attention (including telling her she was pretty and I was ugly) I am just now getting over that...so I made SURE my kids were treated equally and all loved dearly!!
(I can't fathom telling one of my kids they were ugly and ignoring one of them!)

[keb]

I can honestly say that I don't have a favorite. However, (we'll exclude the Vile Teenage stepchild here) my two daughters are so completely different, yet wildly the same and each of them has something in their personality that the other doesn't. It is hard to say I have a fav, but there are times when I can totally relate to one better than the other. Does that make sense?

[trinity13]

Yes, I have a fav...my only child!!!

[dena]

You might like the actions of one over the other, but LOVE....are you kidding?

[jeni]

oh yeah. lol. each one is my favourite in their own way. and there are always times that i love one more than another. especially when one does something that makes momma insane. lol!!

i think that the 1st holds a special place in your heart....because they came 1st! LOL!! but each one carves their own niche...has their own specialty.

and yeah, i was my dad's favourite. but my mom's is my baby brother & my step-dad's is my baby sister. my step-mom hates us all equally. lol!! so it all worked out...we each have a parent to work! ;)

[shannon]

I would not say I have a favorite child But there are my favorite things about them that are special. I think I might just right a blog about this!

[better safe than sorry]

i've got three, no favorites here.

[Morris]

I don't have kids, but I have favorite grandchildren.

[Jessica]

I have to admit that I don't have children, but have thought about this before. I think there is a difference between loving your children equally, and having favourites. I am an aunt and I have been a nanny, and there are just some children that take after my own heart more than others. My husband has a soft spot for one niece and I have a soft spot for the other (but we both love both children). I've asked him, do you think that this happens with your own children? We think the secret answer is yes. Love is not the question, favouritism is...

[Viamarie]

I only have one child but through the experiences of friends who have more than one, I can say that one tends to favor one from the other depending on the situation.

[plumkrazzee]

I, too, have only one child so I can't speak about that. However, I can speak as a daughter who was/is favored. Am I saying it's right? Heck no. But after long conversations with my mom, I do understand that it's not about "love." It is just easier to favor the child who is receptive, easy going, and not-as-difficult. My mother would NEVER have shown her favoritism...she strived very, very hard to always be fair. But in the quiet moments, she has always expressed her affection for me, and her frustration with my sister, a.k.a. "the firecracker." She loves us both equally, of that I'm sure, but as far as favoritism, yes, she plays that card from time to time.

[Tara]

I was TOTALLY the fav. My sisters bought Fords. I stuck to Chevy. I'm the only one that listened to Dad. And the only one he let drive the '61 Vette before he sold it. Suckas!
As for my kids. The drive me equally nutty, but in different ways. But one is 12 and one is 3, so they have VERY different personalities. Ok, fine. I suppose I love them.

[Shannin]

I ended up using this question on my blog to write about being adopted and how special my parents made me feel (www.nakedgirladventures.blogspot.com)

I don't have children, but I wonder if we play favorites with our parents?

[LilRed]

I don't have kids. But my guess is that parents do probably favor one child to another, even if they would never admit it.

[mar]

I will never know an answer to this question because I have an only child and he is the only baby I wanted to have. And I sometimes ask myself your question... I know who my mom's favorite kid is and it is not me!

[Nikki]

I have 3 kids and while I love them all with my whole heart I can't imagine loving one more or having a favorite. They each have special times with my husband and/or I. They are all very different kids and will grow up to be distinct individuals and I love that. I may be disappointed or angry when one of them is misbehaviing. We do have to work more on things with my son because he as Aspergers. I worry that my daughters will think that is favoritism I just hope one day they understand.

I am very hurt that my mother-in-law has a favorite amongest her 5 grandkids and she doesn't hide it at all. She has said to my husband and I on several occassions that our son is her favorite and it hurts me so much that the other kids will know this and will most likely be resentful of this. I don't want to see my daughters clamoring for her affection to always feel second (or third, or forth, or fifth) best in the end. I feel like she doesn't even try to make those bonds with the other grandkids.

It breaks my heart.

[joe]

It is very very wrong to have a favourite child amongst other children, and a even more to show it, if only subtly. This might create tensions, and also potential psychological problems in the "favourite" child. Particularly wrong and dangerous is an excess of "emotional investment" in a child as a "compensation" for one's own marital insatisfactions. Alexander Lowen has written a lot about this.