Virtual Cheating

A friend of  mine thinks that havin secret and suestive conversations on-line is not cheatin because it is mere words rather than physical contact. Another friend believes that it is indeed a form of infidelity.

What do you think? Is cybersex or romantic emotional involvement with someone other than your partner   a form of cheatin?

Comments

[Adamant]

Whatever it is, I feel it's indicative of a larger problem with the 'real time' relationship.

[TC]

yes, I absolutely believe that it is a form of cheating.

[Trista]

I hate to be the jealous type, but if I found out my fiance was doing that sort of thing, I couldn't help but be upset. It would feel like cheating to me.

[Peaches]

Yes, definitely cheating. I actually think cheating with your mind and emotions online is unfaithful on a much more serious level than a one-night stand or something. A great deal of time and effort is spent on the cyber-infidelity....much more dangerous to a relationship than standard cheating because it can be done 24/7 whenever someone gets the chance while the other person is either sleeping or out. Most definitely cheating.

[Nancy]

Cheating. You are taking time away from your partner with someone else. And it shows that you probably have big problems in your relationship with your spouse/partner.

[zee]

Yes. That's cheating.
Period.

[Curator]

In most cases yes. It seems few couples are trusting enough these days to allow something like that.

[Jon the Intergalactic Gladiator]

Cheating.

[jlybn123]

I also believe that it is a form of cheating! Someone getting emotionally attached in a romantic way, is definitely a good indicator that there are some "issues" with their relationship!

I would be crushed if my significant other was doing it!!!

[Samantha]

I think it depends on the oppinion on the party who is left out of the activity. In my relationship, it is not considered cheating because we have enough trust in each other to know that it will never progress beyond a computer screen. However, if my man didn't like it, it wouldn't happen. Period. It's his call what I am allowed to do, just like it's my call what he is allowed to do.

[Lish]

I think it is cheating.

[JustLinda]

If you keep it a secret from your spouse, it is wrong, wrong, wrong. If it's something your spouse is aware of and not bothered by, then perhaps not.

[caspar]

Of course it is a form of infidelity. Sometimes the affairs of the heart and mind are even more siginficant than a passing physical encounter.

[yyoggy]

I have to agree with the consensus that it must be indicative of a bigger problem and is in its own admission a problem which if in its self not cheating is likely to lead to a form of infidelity. Although this begs the question that does this arguement not lead to the theory that the use of pornography for self gratification, whether in print or in digital format is to a degree cheating on ones significant other

[Christi]

I'm going to agree with JustLinda on this one. If the conversations are something that you would willingly do in front of your spouse, and it was something they were aware of and okay with..then it is defintiley not cheating. However, if you are hiding the conversations or the "relationship" in any way from your spouse then you most definitley are being unfaithful to them.

[Utenzi]

It is a form of cheating since there's emotional content. How serious the cyber-cheating is will depend on the real relationship.

[Megan]

It's emotional infidelity; a warning signal that something's wrong.

[ribbiticus]

definitely cheating. who's to say it won't go on to the next level (meet each other face to face)?

[better safe than sorry]

if the other party is not aware of what is going on, then yes, it's cheating, it's not harmless if it's being hidden

[mainja]

i think it totally depends on the relationship. for my partner and i it would not be cheating because neither of us would mind. we would know that this is just a way of having fun for us, not an escape from our relationship.

but for other people it would make them feel threatened and in those cases, yeah, it's cheating. i think a good test is, would your partner be okay about it if they found out? if you're hiding it and are afraid of them finding out then you're probably doing something you shouldn't.

[Plumkrazzee]

I agree with Caspar...affairs of the heart are much, much more serious and costly to a relationship. Cheating is cheating. If someone other than your "significant" other is getting the "significant" attention, you are cheating.

[Paula]

It depends on the relationship, as mainja said.

[wavybrains]

Unless you have explict agreement that you can have these online relationships, I think it most certainly is cheating. Emotional involvement IS cheating, no matter HOW it happens!

[Phil]

Depends on how far it goes. A little e-wink and flirty comments is, IMO, no more "cheating" than flirting with a close friend . . . it's something that both sides know won't lead anywhere.

But actual cybersex, or going beyond the "friendly flirty" I do believe is cheating. Sure, there's no physical cheating, but it's still there in the heart.

[mary]

Cheating.

[MissMeliss]

I think it depends on the relationship, and the intent. I mean, women often get upset when men watch porn, but that's not exactly interactive...at least not in the same way.

And then - Fuzzy and I both play online RPGs, and while we have an agreement that if our characters are ever in sexual situations, we'll fade to black, the line between cybersex within the confines of a game and cybersex over IM is a fine one.

For us, in OUR relationship, tied to roleplay, it wouldn't be cheating, but beyond that, it would be.

[keb]

Well, I agree with a little of what everyone here has said. If the conversations are something you would have in front of your partner and they are involved, than perhaps not. However, if the conversations are done in secret, and you feel that if your partner found out would be hurt, than they are wrong, borderline lying and at the very least emotional infidelity, which in my opinion, is worse than physical infidelity. I could easier handle TheMan having a one night stand than to find out he'd had repeated, long term, deep conversations with another woman behind my back.

[Raehan]

in my house it would be.

[La Bella]

In my house it would be too...

blah!

[Mamacita]

Cheating. Definitely.

[melina]

There's flirting and then there's cheating...I think if either side is getting emotionally (or physically) involved in any way, and only the individual would know that, then it's cheating...if it's sharing some turn-ons in a way that might help the other person and you are both mature adults, then that's not cheating, IMHO.

howevs, if your partner was looking over your shoulder reading what you were entering online, how would they feel? if they were all "mmm, yeah!" then, that's not cheating. if they would feel hurt by it in any way; that's cheating.

I agree w/ Plumkrazzee.

[annie]

It's cheating.
I'm married, so flirting is cheating. My husband is Number One, I married him and he deserves my respect.

[Pearl]

It may depend on intensity. A casual occasional "anonymous" romance is different than something hot and fiery. Some people are flirty and playful and very sexual on and offline but the secretness raises warning flags.

Either way it draws your time and attention away from your life partner which could damage the relationship even more than obsessive hobbies, work or giving all the attention to kids while neglecting spouse. It may depend on the person and how much energy they have. Can they give all that both other people need of them?

I would guess it would depend on the boundaries the couple has negotiated on what is acceptable and what is threatening. If one calls foul and says cheating, then to that person it is a violation of their sense of security and specialness.

[reese]

I agree with the majority here: cheating, yes. And incredibly painful to the spouse/partner who finds out about it.

[Pearl]

I think that I was unclear. Let me try again. Cheating means rule breaking. If the rules or understanding betweeen two people says cyberchat "special freinds" are against the rules, then doing that, is cheating.

[Mimi]

It's cheating. You're doing something sexual with someone other than you significant other AND you're keeping it a secret.

If s/he didn't think it was cheating, there'd be no reason to keep it a secret.

[Carl V.]

Cheating it is! The truth of the matter is that 'emotional affairs' are often more damaging to a relationship than sexual encounters...not that either are good for a relationship. The emotional connections one can make, even when making flirting conversations online, take a person's time and energy away from their partner, robbing their partner of that aspect of their relationship. It is wrong no matter how you justify it.

[Claire]

Hmm, this is a tricky one. There are a lot of if's and but's on this one. Overall I'd say if there's emotional involvement beyond friendship then yes it's cheating.

[Julie]

I think it is. Even "friendly flirting" in my case, although not exactly cheating, is not a good thing.
To me, being really good friends with a member of the opposite sex can be iffy too. Only if you confide in that person more than your spouse, or about your spouse!
But, that is just me, and I guess I am pretty conservative! :0)

[NetChick]

"emotional infidelity" is just as serious as physical infidelity. I'm a huge believer that you can't truly share your sexual emotions with more than one person at a time... and therefore the spouse/sig other is missing out on something you should rightfully be sharing with them.

It all boils down to trust. I use the analogy of "if I can't do this in front of my mate without hurting them in some way, I don't do it at all."

Besides, having to go elsewhere to find stimulation sexually is an indicator that something is missing in your relationship, isn't it? Time to say goodbye, or get help!

[Scully]

I'm of the belief that even thinking of committing adultery (or whatever it is when you're not married to someone) with someone who is not your partner is tantamount to committing it.

I believe you should be faithful in all ways to your significant other.

And if you don't have a significant other, but a friend does, and you're involved in having that friend betray their significant other, then you're just as guilty.

[InterstellarLass]

It's cheating.

[Shana]

It is..... sad to say, it's how I met my current boyfriend. And I cheated.

[Shana]

Sad to say, I cheated, and this is how I cheated. So yeah, that's what I would call it.

[chatty]

Unacceptable behavior.

[Alessandra]

The answer is a plain, simple YES.

[bec]

cheating. and in a very cowardly form, too.

[Alisha]

If you're in a relationship with me, it is 100% cheating.

[Amanda]

Definitely. Sadly, I can think of at least a half-dozen examples where "online cheating" has been a gateway to physical cheating.

[srp]

Cheating is cheating. No gray area here.