Me and stuff

What kind of person appears oranized and  yet is not? Well, the  kind of  person that I am. Many people who have visited my home  compliment me on how clutter-free and serene my home appears. The truth is it is only appears that way to a casual observer .  What they do not know is that I have a very lare storae  area that is crammed with  stuff. I have  extra shelves built into  all closets and cupboards and  every nook and cranny available is used for storae.

What am I storin? Many thins both useful and not. Endless boxes of books that will never be read, holiday decorations that will never be used, decorative items that will never be displayed, and more servin dishes than a small caterin company would  ever require. Why do I keep these thins? Well, I miht one day need them? Yet, I know I never will.

So, I have beun the task of eliminatin. It is, in a word: hard.

Just yesterday I pondered how  many divided crystal pickle dishes one  person needs. I have five of them. All of them once beloned to my randmother. I looked at each one and smiled as I recalled her  many dinner  parties and  et-toether's . Each one reminded me of her - so I decided that five is indeed the  perfect number of crystal pickle dishes to have. Now I must ponder how many crystal cream and suar sets one person really needs. Also, will I ever polish that two-hundred year old silver tea service set that I inherited? Not likely. Yet, I can not bear to let it o.

I also have stacks of maazines. Yes, maazines are  my weakness. Well, one  of my several dozen weaknesses. But really, does someone need seven years worth of The New Yorker? No, I didn't think so, but that is  what I have.  The books? Well, I have built in floor to ceilin  bookcases that fill two walls in my livin room. There is no more  room on the shelves. Many of  these books have not yet been read. Yet, I continue to buy books. There is also hundreds of boxes of  books (carefully labelled and itemized) sittin in another storae area. Yes, I love books. But is this too much love?

Oranizin, for me, is an onoin activity. Yet, my oranizin method has never been to toss thins out or donate them - rather it is to simply purchase more oranizin  systems to manae and frame my stuff. It is finally time to rid myself of  much of these thins. How do I do that? My dear friend Brian, who is an interior desiner,  told me that I should keep  only  thins that are practical or beautiful.  He asked me if thousands of books are practical? My reply: well of course not, but what if I suddenly become enamoured with the look and  feel of cardboard boxes, they will then become beautiful to me, yes?

How do you decide what should  be eliminated? What is your  must-keep weakness? Does  your home hide a bevy of stuff behind closed cupboards and closets?  Also, do you have any advice to offer a blofriend who must rid herself of all this stuff? Please help me.   

Comments

[kenju]

Now I know how alike we are, Michele. I was the daughter of a supreme pack rat and that trait has been passed down to me. I am reaching the age, however, where it is prudent to pare down, lest my children have to deal with all of the items stuck into closets, the attic and the storage areas.

My home is also very neat, but just open a closet and you will see what I mean. Last Feb. I had the 3rd in a series of garage sales, wherein I rid myself of all the stuff I didn't need that my mother accumulated in her lifetime. Having to clean out her home made me realize I did not want my kids to have to go through that, so I mounted the biggest garage sale ever and what didn't sell was immediately loaded into the car and taken to either Goodwill or the dump.

Now I am fighting the urge to re-accumulate. I have been a little firm with myself, and I have gone to Goodwill several times just recently, or given some things to my cleaning people.

I would suggest you go through the books and get rid of any that are replaceable should you suddenly need them. If you have any that are particularly memorable or special, like first editions, keep those.
As to pickle dishes: they can be put to use in other ways, such as holding soap or jewelry or peanuts or potpourri. Keep 3 and let the others go to good homes.

[rugdesigner]

I have just gone through the purging process as well. Family heirlooms, regardless of number, are kept; if not displayed, then lovingly stored. Some items, marked for my children or other family members and friends, have already made their way to their respective new homes. Much loved books and even clothing were passed along so that others could love them as well. Most periodicals were tossed, save some covers for artwork and articles for files.

I have not missed an item yet nor wished for its return, knowing it is in good hands wherever it is. The streamlined closet and storage space makes for a much freer and open feeling, which leads to a few more smiles. It is worth it!

[Indigo]

My husband calls me a pack-rat, when actually, I firmly believe that I'm not, but he is.

Okay, so I can't toss the TV Guide where the cover is Sarah Jessica Parker and inside is a synopsis (and scoring system) to all of the Sex & the City episodes. (I just might need it someday)

And, if you looked at my front porch (enclosed sun porch) you'd find 10 years worth of my Hubby's National Geographic magazines that he swears he is getting rid of 'tomorrow'.

I firmly think I'm somewhere in between keeping and tossing. I have good intentions to toss a lot more, but I'm really busy being a mom, and wife, and I work, and exercise, and sometimes the organizing and tossing gets little behind. I try to catch up as much as possible though.

I try to live by the rule of only touching something once, whereby I decide if I'm going to keep it, or toss it. If I keep it, it's supposed to be put away at that point.

It works better in theory though.

About the books. We used to have more books than we knew what to do with. We took them all, less a few that we couldn't part with, to a second hand bookstore and sold them. Now, we use the library and only buy books that we absolutely have to have.

[Shannin]

Books and magazines - two of my weaknesses. I am trying to cull those, but it's hard. When I stood in my office closet last weekend and realized that, even though I had about 5 years of Food & Wine, I had not ONCE gone back to find a recipe, I realized it was time to let go...

[atpanda]

I'm with you on the books and magazines. My husband routinely stands over me to ensure that I actually do come up with a pile to take to the used bookstore to trade. :-)

I absolutely can't get rid of scraps. Scraps of paper, scraps of material, bits of things... I'm not necessarily crafty, but I COULD be. And if I decided to be crafty, wouldn't it just be better to have all that stuff on hand just in case? Why buy it all again down the road when I already have it now?

I also can't ever, EVER let go of pictures. Even if it is the most awful, out of focus pic of absolutely nothing, it still represents a place I was at some time.

[Old Horsetail Snake]

1. One, or at most two, crystal pickle dishes is/are all you need to remind you whence you got them. So you can sell at least 3.

2. Get rid of all middle Eastern history books. You can always look it up on Google.

Martha Stewart gets paid for good advice like this. You can have this for free because I love you.

[Marie]

I've sold a ton of books, videos & CDs on Amazon. Might have been easier to donate them to a charity! We have a constant battle here around these things -- I think I'm finally selling my hubby on the library & borrowing vs. owning certain items.

As for the heirlooms, I don't have a single one, but my hubby has a lot. A LOT. Some of the ones he's not so sentimental about, he's sold on eBay. It's a touchy issue, and I try not to harp on it, because I know the things have meaning to him. (To me, some of the items are just dust-collectors.)

As for me, I seem to have a thing for pottery and glass - bowls, serving dishes, whatever. I did part with some this summer at our yard sale, and I have lots more in the garage, ready to go to Good Will.

It IS hard. I agree Michele. Hard. Good for you for digging in!

Sounds like you'll need some extra high caliber chocolate to get you through this!

[annie]

First of all, it's not called "eliminating", that's too harsh. It's called "releasing". To set things free to go to someone else and make other people happy.
I can let go of anything except, like you said, all five of your Grandma's pickle dishes. Family heirlooms and things your kids make for you must be kept.
Hmmm...I do not have a pickle dish. I can dream...

[Dawn]

Here's my advice. Have a purge party. Invite some close friends over to help you sort & clean. Make piles like - keep, donate, sell & toss & go to it. Remember, that keeping something from your grandmother stored away in a closet & not on display isn't doing you any good. Pass it on to someone who will treasure it. Sure, letting go of stuff can be difficult, but your friends are there to distribute some much needed tough love. And letting go is easier after a couple of glasses of wine.

[Cecilia]

I'd have to agree with Annie. It really is a matter of being in a "releasing" mindset. When E moved in, I had to be really really strict. Now, I love my clothes as much as you love your books. Most of these (clothes) I have never even worn, yet they are all in bags carefully folded and itemized. Like what your friend, Brian, said, only keep the ones that are practical and beautiful. Tough call. But with mighty willpower and discipline, and a mind set on having more space to welcome an even more important part of your life, then "releasing" doesn't get all that hard anymore.

Best of luck to you!

[Melinama]

The New Yorker has put out its ENTIRE LIFETIME COLLECTION on cd. You could get that, and pitch the paper copies.

I did a huge purge a couple weeks ago after my son left home. It felt GREAT.

If you haven't used it in a year or two, you don't need it.

[Ginger]

I subscribe to the one-year rule, myself: Have you used this object in the past year? If not, out it goes, being very brutal about it. Don't keep things out of guilt or because it was a gift and you worry it will hurt the gifter's feelings. Ask this of yourself once a month, and it pretty much takes care of everything. If you planned to use something but haven't, then either use it within the next month or chuck it. If you planned to sell something but haven't, then either get it on eBay, or give it to Goodwill. Fairly simple once you get into it. You have to be very observant and not be blind to the clutter. Continuously reevaluate. It's a habit you have to do, like brushing your teeth or getting a yearly female physical. Sure, you can get by without it, but maintenance is extremely self-gratifying, because after it's done, you feel good about doing something positive for yourself. :)

[JCanuck]

Aside from family heirlooms, and the books that you really really can't live without and will read again, try this:

If you haven't looked at it, touched it, read it, used it or worn it in the past two years, you probably never will again. Somebody, maybe a Katrina refugee who has lost everything, might end up cherishing one of those forgotten things. There are an awful lot of people who lost everything down there.

If you were here, I would suggest getting the tea service silver plated over the tarnished silver. At least you could start afresh with the tarnish thing. It might be too expensive to do there though...

[Laura GF]

I hate purging things like that. Hate it. But my one trick for you that genuinely does make things easier is that if there is something that you do not need, cannot use, but still feel sentimental about, take a picture of that item and give the item away. That way you can have a photo of your treasured object but you do not have to actually store it. You will probably get the same enjoyment looking at the photo and remembering fondly the memories it evokes -- you don't need the actual object itself. Good luck!

[wavybrains]

I come from a long line of uber-pack rats, ones who do NOT share your neatness habits. For a while, I was brutal to myself--not letting myself keep books, memorabilia, gifts, etc. But absolutism is the quickest way to rebellion. Now, I struggle to strike a happy medium. Part of me pines for an IKEA or West Elm, Martha-Stewart-esque, clutter-free home with only well placed objects. But, a bigger part of me is implusive--loves bargains and silly gifts and new hobbies, and books, especially books on sale and free books, and office supplies and I'm okay with that.

My Freak of a husband is a worse packrat--he would keep all glass jars and paper bags to enter the house if I let him, and his "collections" have no organization, and he is guilty of buying an item because he can not find the one he already has.

Right now, my challenge is organization and merging our styles, and I like the one-year rule, and the beautiful/useful maxim, and all the Flylady ditties for reducing clutter, but I think in the end, the question is, when I look around the room, do I feel "home?," do I feel welcome? do I feel relaxed and peaceful? or do I feel the burden of all my possessions? Do I feel trapped by my stuff? Do I feel crowded out by clutter? No one can really answer this question for you. Realizing this has helped to free me, and also made me less judgemental about other's clutter and lack thereof.

If you are organized, and LOVE your home, love your boxes, and feel welcomed by all your serving dishes, then you probably have the perfect amount of stuff for YOU. If you feel overwhelmed at the thought of moving it all, but joyous at the thought of it all neatly arranged in a new place, then you have probably found your own happy medium.

P.S. I also like Laura's suggestion. But then, I'd need to scrap book the photos, and I need more scrapbook paper, stamps, stickers, and supplies . . .and some books on how to make the pictures look best . . and maybe some new frames . . ., organizing stuff to hold it all, stationary to send pictures pf my treasures to my friends . . It's a sickness, really.

P.P.S. Many organizations are collecting books for those who lost all in the hurricane. I am sending some of my recent one-hit-wonders (those which I know I won't likely read again) to bless the lives of others. Maybe some of your books can similarly bless the lives of other readers who have lost all?

[Scully]

Well, firstly, you need to watch this show on HGTV (Canada):

http://www.hgtv.ca/tv/shows/show_details.asp?showID=75879

Now, to answer your questions:

How do you decide what should be eliminated?

With clothes, I decide what no longer fits and what is out of style and what I haven't worn in a year.

With books I just don't. I keep them all.

I throw magazines. You can always cut out the articles you want and files those away.

I pick a day that I'm in the mood, and I'm ruthless.

What is your must-keep weakness?

Books.

Does your home hide a bevy of stuff behind closed cupboards and closets?

Yes, but all beautifully organized. Martha Stewart is my saviour.

Also, do you have any advice to offer a blogfriend who must rid herself of all this stuff?

Watch Neat on HGTV and think about hiring her. REalize that although there is a great deal of sentimental thought behind the objects, the reality is, they are objects. If you had been in New Orleans and flooded out, could you still live your life without all your things? Realize that things that take up space and are never used are just taking up space. They are costing you space which translates into dollars. Fill your home with the things you love but that are also useful.

[Raehan]

Oh, I like reading these longer posts from you.

I am in the process of clearing out clutter. I think I am probably less successful than you, so I'm not the one to give advice.

If I were you, I'd keep the crystal and silver (because they still make you smile) and give away 2/3 of the books and magazines. I know you are the Queen of the library. The books will be there when you need them.

Are you moving soon? Just curious.

[Mamacita]

We discovered many things that we no longer needed or wanted, many things that we loved and could never part with, and many things that we 'liked' but wouldn't pine for if they were gone.

Several trips to the dump and a rented storage garage later, we can walk in our garage.

Next step: the closets inside the house.

[Mamacita]

(The ten thousand books stay.)

[better safe than sorry]

i don't think that i could ever get rid of anything with sentimental value, and as much as i love books and magazines, after a few years i find they smell funny, to me, that's when they have to go. my husband is a pack rat, i'm the opposite, i figure if i haven't used something in the past few years, chances are i'm not going to miss it if it's gone.

[Karen]

Honey, you gotta be ruthless! If you haven't looked at it in a year or more, let it go. In fact, if you can't do that, have somebody else do it who can think clearly. Another option if you can't bear to part with things is to organize them into neat containers. Then you're at least partway there.

[Peaches]

First, I would never, ever get rid of the heirloom stuff. There's something kind of comforting for me when I go to my cousin's house and she pulls out my grandpa's old high ball glasses for cocktails. Or when I go to my sister's place and she pulls out the old bowl my grandma used to serve Cheetos in - the puffy ones, not the crunchy ones. My mom inherited the crystal pickel plates....

Books are a tough one. I finally had to get rid of my favorite Chaucer and Victorian Lit. anthologies when we moved from Utah about 8 years ago. Very, very hard. I don't know what I planned to do with them, I just liked having them around as reminders from my college days. Yes, I think the only way to purge books is to move because the thought of moving all those heavy boxes of books just might outweigh your desire to keep them....that's really all I have.

My closets and drawers are also crammed full of stuff but my house is pristine to the casual observer...go figure...at least I've discovered there's more than one of me out there when it comes to that.

[doug]

Ya know - with a last name like VerSteegh, I am the epitome of my Dutch heritage - frugal and saving are my middle names, or the names of my future children dunno which at this point yeah thass right my middle Nom de Plume IS Doug heheheh, but I have come to finally do the unthinkable also...I set my "last touched - last used" at 6 months, if I haven't touched it - it goes on eBay or to charity, I remove something before I get something new "tit for tat", due to my loss of weight from my seperation anxiety with my fiancee two months ago, my clothes are now going to Hurricane relief because absolutely nothing seems to fit without a couple of belts now - ("best diet in the world" question of the day ahead? Try heart break.)
As to family mementos and such - I lost both my parents within three months of each other in '03, and as such - have had boxes, literallly boxes; of family history deposited upon me, as the 'designated' family historian now(something to do with me being the only boy in a house full of sisters 7 kids do the math here :) - so I am sorting it all and passing on to siblings, grandkids of thiers, nieces and nephews and all; and any other Family who should share in it (after documentation of said items of course - thank the technorati for massive storage capability hard drives and computers now a days that can keep up with it all!) and pictures still need to be held in your hands to 'see' them not even on my super sized cinema screen of a monitor here will do them justice...glossy scalloped delicate edges, curled corners turning brown with age.... ahhh
Family heirlooms get catalogued,then dispersed save for one or two to keep really close at hand on display, my books well my books on the other hand are not something I can concieve of removing even though a computer is a glorious thing, I can't ever pass up the feeling of a good leather binding in my hands as I settle back to read for a while, so the books stay - allll of them including my "Little Giant" editions from when I was gawd that long ago?, a vinyl collection of nearly 35,000 pieces? also stays who needs CD's Mini Discs IPOD shuffels and all that...I have two turntables and a microphone and I ain"t afraid to use them!

So, keep what you can really have an attachment too, display them as suggested by others here, organized storage for those things awaiting the six month turnover points, share the rest with anyone who could use the good from them,donate donate donate! enjoy your time while doing it - no stress... just good memories as they pass thru your hands on to make their own good memories down the road.

[Bluegrass Mama]

I have gotten tougher over the years and have gotten rid of...a little bit of stuff. I no longer add much to it, though. Beautiful is no longer adequate. It must be useful, as well. Well, except for pictures of my beautiful children, of course. I have even given up some of the family heirlooms. I personally only have two divided pickle dishes, and I don't even remember where they came from!

[Melody]

I used to keep EVERYTHING!!! That has now changed. After moving 9 times in 8 years I have slowly got rid of a lot of my stuff which I once adored. Moving into a 2 bedroom apartment with a baby, from a 3 bedroom home without a baby helped with the last move of getting rid of crap. Magazines I had dragged from place to place, swearing I would read them all again. I knew deep down I never would so out they went.

I kinda re-adjusted my thinking too in the last year, after having Monet. Nothing really matters except for her and my partner. If I don't use anything or wear anything within a year, out it goes to someone else who would hopefully actually use it. I now too think twice before buying anything - do I actually need it? The answer is usually 'no'.

[Chris]

You, Michele, remind me of my sister. She has thousands of books (displayed and boxed). She also has four china sets. Each one passed on to her by family members. She would never dare part with any of it.

Now I have mentioned ONLY a couple of things she will not part with. There is much more.

My sister told me once, it made her happy. Happy to see all of her books. Happy to use a specific pattern for a particular dinner party. Even happier when she can find missing pieces to add to her china sets.

So, Michele, does it make you happy? If it does, keep it all. You are the only one who knows what lurks in your cupboards. (Well, now your readers too. Though, we won't tell.)

[Keb]

How do you decide what should be eliminated? I can't. So, TheMan, he just throws it away while I'm at work. He did it twice. I said third strike, your OUT!

What is your must-keep weakness? Paper. ALL paper - books, mags, notes, bills, old checks, mementos, newspapers, old school assignments. I have shit everywhere!

Does your home hide a bevy of stuff behind closed cupboards and closets? HELL YES!

Also, do you have any advice to offer a blogfriend who must rid herself of all this stuff? I have not a lick as I'm a HUGE pack rat myself!

[Zinnia Cyclamen]

I agree with Dawn, get some friends in to dispense tough love. And the one-year rule is good, too, although sometimes I have to stretch it to two. I'm not a big keeper, although I hate dealing with paperwork so that tends to hang around for longer than it needs to. I'm not as bad as my sister, though; I called her the other day to find her in the middle of sorting out her junk mail from 2003!

[kat4]

I am in the same predicament, although I'm not likely to sell any of my books (I've read most of mine, but many are non-fiction and I refer to them from time to time). I have decided to sell a lot of non-essential decorative items, dishes, and other stuff on eBay. It is amazing what people (including me) will actually pay money for!! It doesn't even matter a whole lot how much money I get for an item; it feels better to sell it than to throw it away.

One technique to help with figuring out what goes is this: decide on your ultimate objective, then compare the feeling you'll have keeping the item to the feeling you'll have obtaining your objective. For example: What is more important to me, keeping this , or achieving ? If, for instance, you are carying a lot of credit card debt and want to start a debt-reduction fund, then ask "will I get more satisfaction out of looking at this $20 figurine or more satisfaction out of putting that $20 into my debt-reduction fund?" No one can answer that question but you. In some cases, you'll still want to keep the $20 figurine or the sentimentally-priceless crystal divided pickle dish, and that's OK...as long as you don't decide to keep everything. Your ultimate objective doesn't have to be making money, it could simply be getting rid of stuff you don't need anymore, whether that's by selling or donating: "will this be more useful to someone else than it is sitting in my closet in a box I haven't even opened in 4 years?" This technique only works if you are truly committed to achieving whatever the objective is.

By the way, I've found that literally "cleaning house" helps "clean house" emotionally, too.

I don't post often on your site, but I check it nearly every day. Whatever news you are processing, I hope it is good, and that you will be back soon.

[pantrygirl]

Michele,
I'm the same way.
In fact, I've been doing my autumn purge this week as well.

I'm having a tough time with sentimental objects.

When I hit a 'but i don't want to' moment with my purge, I've been asking myself if I really need it and if someone less fortunate may find it useful.

It's helped me condense what I have a bit.

One thing though, if it's truly sentimental and a possible pass me down, keep it.

Good luck with your cleaning and remember, organized people are just too lazy for look for things.

[Jak]

Remember that episode of friends where Monica has the "secert room" and chandler can't stand that it is locked and he can't open it- then he and Joey do- and all her clutter falls out- well, that's what came to my mind when you said clutter free and it's all in your closet-

That's all.....:)

[Faith]

I totally identify with you. I, also am a disorganised organised person. Appearances are definitely deceptive! Good luck with the task at hand.

[aka_monty]

As a packrat, I have absolutely no worthwhile advice to offer. As an avid TLC's "Clean Sweep" watcher, however, I would be happy to give 'em a call and send them your way. (PLUS they do most of the work) :)

[MongaKim]

Thank you so very much Michelle!

JORDAN HAS BEEN FOUND!

We thank you from the bottom of our hearts for all of your kindness and support.

[blaze]

eeeeeeeeee-bay.