The Ex-Factor

Miss Manners is busy so let me ask you......

Is it appropriate to invite an ex-spouse to your weddin?

Comments

[Phil]

All depends on the current relationship. If you and your ex are on friendly terms (and by this, I don't mean just "cordial" to each other . . . I mean, you have remained friends), and you WANT them at your wedding (for the right reasons), then why wouldn't it be okay? If you're not still friends, or you're doing it just to rub their noses in your joy, or doing it JUST because you've got kids together so feel compelled, then it's asking for trouble.

[Cara]

I couldn't have said it better than Phil did.

[Dan]

This is a question no-one can answer except the individual(s) involved, in my opinion. It's the sort of situation where you instinctively know if it's the right thing to do or not.

[Theo]

well, it just spoils it for everyone else when Phil awnsers so completely the first time. ;)

so, just to keep things going. Heck NO!

[vicki]

In a word- no. Why drag something that failed into a day filled with hope and optimism and vows of lifelong commitment? Even if you're the best of friends, parted mutually or whatever- there will be other better times to share that friendship. Ack. No.

[Garrison Steelle]

My vote's with Phil.

Assuming proxies are allowable in comments. ;)

-G

[Lisa]

Phil's covered the subject very well. I agree with him.

[Robert]

If:

You are over 45
Your ex is over 40
Your new spouse is under 25

Then by all means, do so.

(The more invitations you send, the more presents you'll receive; however, you'll have to get a bigger cake.)

[Julie]

I would also say it depends. It depends on your soon to be spouse's opinion as well as on your relationship with your ex.

[Carl]

I don't care what anyone says and I don't care what Sig buys to wear- THEY ARE NOT INVITED.

[Erin]

no.

[millenniumhippies]

i've always thought a good rule of thumb is not to have anyone at the wedding who has previously had sex with either the bride or groom. you don't want someone at your wedding who is remembering being intimate with your new spouse. but i'm not married, so what do i know? that's the rule i'll go by if i ever do get married though. :)

[Sol]

I know from my experience it can be quite awkward to be at an ex spouse's wedding and wouldn't ever do it again.

[kenju]

I think this is best decided by the bride who is marrying for the 2nd (or 3-4-5th) time. If you are on very good terms with your ex, and you have children together and you wish to show them the way polite, civilized people act, then do so. But what do I know? I've been married once - for 41 1/2 years - and was never in that situation.

[melodyann]

Of course you can. You can do anything you want to do. But seriously, WHY would you want to?

[maggie]

Nah ... if you think you should invite them "to be nice and not to leave them out" then you've got it all wrong

[Home Detention Lady]

If kids are involved, yes. If not - noooooo. Too awkward! Unless, of course, the ex-spouse is now gay!

[Raehan]

If it would make you or your spouse uncomfortale to invite him for whatever reason.....then no. This is your day.

If it would make you or your spouse uncomfortable not to invite him...then invite.

If it would make you uncomfortable whatever you decide to do, then pick the one that would make you uncomfortable the least, whether that be measured by intensity during the ceremony, or by long-term repurcussions. I suggestt measuring by intensiy of discomfort during the big day.

I have no experience in this matter, so take everything I have to say with a grain of salt.

Good luck, if this question pertains to you!

[DJ Jazzy Jen]

No. Even if kids are involved. Just no.

[InsanePreschoolMom]

I say yes, if it's okay with your intended spouse...but the better question is should a former spouse come to a funeral? And the answer is YES. When my grandpa died a few years ago, his lady friend came and sat with our family, which included my grandfather's two ex-wives.

[ms. mac]

I agree with Phil.

[Adamant]

Absolutely not.
No matter how much I would like to pretend I'm all grown up and the past is the past, I wouldn't want to deal with it and I wouldn't expect my bride to deal with it, either.

[blaze]

By all means, Yes.
Happiness is meant to be shared.
Moreover, an invit doesn't necessarily mean ex has to attend. To attend or not depends on the current relationship.

[franchini]

I think Phil is right as well. If everyone is on friendly terms and behaves themselves in a cordial, grown up way, and both parties entering the new marriage feel comfortable about it then why ever not. Some people do remain friends long after a marriage has broken up.

[Pearl]

I can't get more coherant than Francini or blaze.

[Betsy]

Yes - for all the reasons Phil, blaze and franchini already enumerate.

[Alda]

Why, are you getting married? :)