Without Child

Sweet Elderly Lady: How many children do you have, dear?
Youner Woman: I do not have any children.
Sweet Elderly-Nosey Lady: Are you plannin on havin any children?
Youner Woman: No, I am not.
Sweet Elderly-Nosey-Annoyin Lady: Don’t you like children?
Youner Woman: Yes I do like children but it was not meant to be.
Sweet Elderly-Nosey-Annoyin-Interferin Lady:Oh you poor dear. I would be lost without my children. The most important job a woman can do is raisin her children to be fine adults.
Youner Woman: Fine adults with ood manners, yes?
Sweet Elderly-Nosey-Annoyin-Interferin-But-Means-No-Harm Lady: Of course.
Youner Woman-Who-Does-Not-Wish-To-Continue-This-Discussion: Well, I must o find one of those people to chat with. Have a nice day.
Sweet Elderly Lady: Yes dear, you too.

Youner Woman's Thouhts:

The desire to be a mother can be a powerful force. So can the force not to be a mother. It is unfair to assume that a woman who does not have a child has never wanted a child. It is also unfair to assume that every woman does desire to be a mother. This ame of assumption is fool hardy and when the ame of assumption is played with someone that you do not know it can be a form of inorance.
If a woman remains childfree it is because she was either not blessed with children or chose not to be blessed with children. It truly does not matter which was the case - except to the woman and her partner. But a woman who admits that she did want children but was unlucky in conceivin is met with much more understandin than a woman who admits that she chose not to have children is. Despite the fact that many women choose and often expect to have children does not mean that ALL women choose this. It is possible to have a fulfillin and rewardin life without havin a child. It does not suest that there is somethin wron with the woman.

Sweet Elderly Lady's Thouhts:

There must be somethin wron with that woman.

Comments

[patricia]

Oh man. I could write a thesis on this topic.

[geoff]

Recently I was on a plane, and during the conversation with the gentleman seated next to me, I mentioned my three boys and what they were doing in school. He turned and said to me, "3 kids, huh? And as he looked down I heard him mumble, "What I would do to have three kids." He looked so sad, so defeated. So, I said to him, really searching for the awkward words, "Umm, so you and your wife (having seen his wedding ring) don't have children?" His gaze rose and he said, "No, we have 6 kids."

[iliana]

sing it sister!

[Chez]

This is such a gripe of mine.

This past weekend I was at a wedding, and the pastor went on and on about how special the bride was because of her fondness for children and her ability to make them feel special. blah blah blah...By the time his child diatribe was over, I was a guilty, evil woman for not wanting children.

[Nikki]

I have a really good friend who has been married now for 8 years or so and him and his wife have chosen not to have any kids. He says they have way too much fun just the two of them. Talking with her though, she has told me that when she's meeting someone new she'd rather blame some biological problem for her choosing to remain childless than give the truth and encounter someone that presumptuously questions her womanhood.

[Chana]

Some people! I hate conversations like that. It seems that if you don't conform to other peoples views that there is something wrong with you! :(

[Tom]

Why can't people accept us as we are in all avenuse of life? Being the wise ass that I am, I am sure i would have had a comment or two for that sweety old lady.

Oh well

[kimbofo]

This is a generational thing, don't you think?

The Elderly Lady is from a generation where it was EXPECTED for women to have children - and if she didn't have children there must be something wrong with her.

The Younger Woman is from a different generation, where it's quite okay (amongst your peers) to not have children if you choose not to have them.

[cleolove]

The most important job that a woman can do is to live her life fully and authentically, and not restrict her love to those that were born of her loins.

[Wendy]

It rather works the same way with 'singlehood' at times ... I have been grilled by so many relatives about why I never married. They seem to think being married - at any cost - to anyone - is better than not marrying. They don't seem to understand there are many reasons for not marrying - many valid ones.

[patricia]

One good valid reason for not marrying: One day, after nearly ten years of marriage, your husband forgets your name, and instead will calls you the name of your cat.

[Rachel Ann]

Just smile at people like that and walk away.

As far as understanding goes; I think women who can't have children but wish to get sympathy, and unfortunately in many cases tons of unwanted advice. I'm not sure what understanding there would be of a decision not to have children but "Oh, okay."

I do discuss things other than my children but they are more important to me than anything or anyone else. And that is just a factor of parenthood. I realize it could bore/hurt someone who doesn't have children (depending on the circumstances) to talk of children frequently, but stories about boyfriends,one's job, sports or in fact any topic can be boring/hurtful to the listener.

I am not good at extracting myself from unwelcome conversation.

[Amy De Ferrari]

You're so witty! You could give Judith Martin a run for her money.

On the flip side of this experience, a friend of mine knew this outspoken environmentalist in the 70's - she was an old woman and also always let you know about her opinion.

She was visiting Russia and came across this young woman smoking a cigarette, surrounded by her substantial brood.

Gertie walked up to her, took the cigarette out of her mouth, threw it on the ground, smashed it under her foot and said "You *shouldn't smoke*.
...
and STOP HAVING BABIES!"
(!!)

[Pink Poppy]

I couldn't have said it any better. All of you are SOOOO right! People often confuse "good manners" with "whatever feels right at the time". WRONG!